Justice System

It has been a while since I have written on here. SO I am going talk about something that I am working through right now. When I got taken out of my house I got appointed a state attorney, and the one I got was a real winner. I always struggled with going to his office or having to talk to him because of the way that I was treated. I never felt like he really listened to what I had to say and in return I never felt that he truly believed me. He would make comments about how I never made eye contact with him, well little does he know 13 years later I still don't like to make eye contact (even more with men) and have to force myself to do it. He also had the nerve to tell me that the jury might think that I am a bitch so he didn't like putting me on the stand. These are really just a few of the reason that I struggle with this man that was suppose to be my attorney. There are two really big reasons that I struggle with him. The first reason is, this was one of the people that I was suppose to feel was on my side, that was going to help me and keep me safe. But really I felt the flip side of that and felt that he was going along with what I had felt my whole like. I let him make me feel that I was a bitch (which my mom had told me my whole life that I was), that I wasn't good enough and most of all that I wasn't worth fighting/standing up for. This problem isn't even what I see to big the biggest problem of them all because I have dealt with feeling these ways my whole life. The thing that I have the biggest problem with is I don't feel that I was given any justice. When I started my court case I was charging my stepfather with 10 first-degree felonies (mind you this could have really been hundreds of thousands of counts). When I attorney decided, with out even asking me, that we were going to let him take a plea deal and drop the charges to 1 second degree. Yes, you read that right 10 first degrees down to one second degree. When I asked him why he told me that he didn't want to go to court if he wasn't sure we would win. I told him I was willing to take the change and was told very quickly that this wasn't my case that it was his and that he got to make that call. Last I checked he was not the one that had to sit there time after time and have sex with their step dad. My stepfather didn't even have to serve a full year in prison for what he did. This has been really hard because I don't feel like I have ever been given justice. Not that I think that serving time would change what happened to me, because I know that it wouldn't. I just have a hard time feeling like I am the only one that had to pay a price, I spent 17 years going through the abuse, went through 6 plus months of court cases, had my whole family turn away, lived in foster care, and still to this day suffer from the emotional effects of everything. Not once have I got, I am sorry I did this to you. I actually take that back as part of his treatment he had to write me a letter but in this letter it was all about how he was sorry that I felt like he did this. I am sorry that is not taking accountability for what you did and are still doing. It is so hard to sit back and never be told that you are sorry and that you know everything I have ever said has been true but yet to feel like I am suppose to forgive this person.

To say the least I really struggle with the attorney that I was appointed and the justice system. I am not sure how someone can steal a bike and get 5 years in prison and then someone else can do HORRIBLE things to a child for 17 year and get a slap on the wrist and serve 1 year.