Feeling alone

After finishing the interview and going back to the room with the long table instead of sitting in the chair I lay down on the floor, exhausted. I have no idea where I will be going or what is going to happen from here. I can hear them talking around the table about what to do. One person would say "well we can't send her to her grandmas because she lives right down the street from her parents and her health is unable to take care of her." Someone asks me if I have any friends that I could maybe stay at. I reply, "I am sure someone would let me." Then as they continue talking that goes out the window because what if he tries finding me he knows where all of them live. OH MY GOSH IS HE GOING TO COME LOOKING FOR ME? This thought come racing through my head and my thoughts start to blur out what ever is being said around the table. If he came looking for me what would he do if he found me? The tears start to run down my checks again. I have already been through hell growing up why do I have to go through hell again? I start listening to what is being said around the table again. They are now talking about my real dad and sending me there. I can't go there, I don't even know him, he has wanted nothing to do with me my whole life I haven't seen him since I was 6, I was a senior I didn't want to leave my friends behind that was all I had left. Soon it seemed that idea was off the table. At this point I am feeling hopeless, there is nowhere to go and no one that wants me. I just want to change out of my smelly work clothes (I worked at Subway) and go to bed.

After what seemed like an eternity they finally decide to take me to a safe house. I talk to the therapist that came to get me from work. She tells me she will come with me while they get me all checked in. I have never been so happy to have someone go with me that I have only known for about for about 5 hours now. We walk outside and its snowing now and I don't have a coat with me. After getting into the police car we drive to the safe house. As we pull up I start to feel completely overwhelmed. Why did I have to speck up? I just want to take it all back and go back home and go to bed in my own bed. Why did I feel like I was being punished for specking the truth?

We go inside and are met by two workers who were expecting us. They start asking question like name, age, birthday (I have never had to give my birthday more then I had in the last 5 hours). Then they ask me to tell them exactly what I had brought with me. I look around, and it hits me all I have is what I have on.

W: What are you coming in with (she repeats because it has taken me so long to answer)?

K: Ummmm, I have on these khaki pants, a black apron, a black subway shirt, my shoes, and my subway hat.

W: What color are your bra and underwear?

Are you kidding me, you need to what color they are? Why incase I lose them? I have to look and see what color they are. After getting all checked in the detective I had interviewed with let me know that he would go get a bag of my stuff in the morning. He also informed that there was going to be a warrant for his arrest and a search warrant for my house to try and get evidence. The fear of him coming after me now had become so much more real.

The lady working shows the therapist and I to my room. The room is very bare just a couple bunk bed and a banana chair. I sit on the bed and she sits down with me for a minute and we talk for a second and then she tells me she will come check on me tomorrow afternoon. She leaves and I am all a lone for the first time since before work. The whole day starts playing over and over in my head. As I am getting ready to climb into bed the worker comes in to let me know that they have to checks every 30 min so they would just open the door and peek in. Really ever 30 min I am never going to sleep again. I start to drift off to sleep replaying over and over what had just happened.

They didn't lie, they check on me every 30 minutes. About 8 am they have switched shifts and the girl comes in to walk me up for breakfast. I don't want breakfast, I don't want anything. I go downstairs and sit on the couch and let her know I am not hungry but thank you. All I can do is think about how much I hope this therapist comes back soon even though I don't really know her that well.

There are a few other kids there and they are all doing their own thing. Just after everyone eats lunch (I still didn't eat, I felt so sick) we were sent to our rooms for quite time. About this time the investigator brings me some of my clothes and we have to go through the whole "check in all my stuff" process again. I had asked for the investigator to get my phone back so that I had it incase something happened. The staff at the safe house informed us that I couldn't have it there, until the investigator informed them that oh yes I would be able to have it. I figured at least if my step dad had tried to come get me I could call 911.

The therapist comes back!!! I have never been so happy to see someone I knew. We talk for a few minutes and she tells me we will get an appointment for me to come see her in her office but that she will continue to check on me and asks if there is anything I need. What was I suppose to say yes, I need you to stay, yes I need someone to be with one. Instead I just tell her that I needed socks because the investigator forgot to get me any.

After dinner I decide I am just going to go lay in bed. As I lay there all I can think about is that I have school tomorrow. How was that going to go? Would people know? I mean we live in a small town and word travels fast. Earlier that day I was informed that someone would come get me in the morning in a state van, so if people didn't know yet they would after I showed up in a state van.

I finally start drifting off to sleep.

*Even though at times I wished that I hadn't spoke my truth I would do it all over again if I had to. Yes it was hard but I deserved to not ever have that happen to me again.