The Day My Life Really Changed

This day is the day that is always very hard for me. On this day my world got turned upside down. Never in a million years did I ever think telling my mom would turn out this way. Today instead of sitting around being sad and really struggling I am hoping that by sharing my story I can help someone else.

After finally falling asleep at about 7 am I slept until about 10 when my mom came back and told me I had a phone call (because she still had my phone). Luckily it was work asking if I could come in at 3 rather than 5. I couldn't be happier to go to work, as I was that day. I would have been willing to go in at 10:30 if that meant it got me out of that house. After getting off the phone I went back to my room and climbed back in my bed not wanting to do anything but lay in the one place I felt some what safe. The saying "time stood still" has never had more meaning to me then during this time. I swear I sat there for what seemed like hours. I looked over at the clock at it was around noon. I hear someone coming back down the hall again. My heart starts beating really, really fast not sure what to do or think I sit there waiting to see whom it is. The door opens and yet again my mom stands before me telling me that I am wanted on the phone again. As I walk down the hallway the only thing that I can think about is "Please don't let it be work telling me they don't need me to come in early now." I get to the phone and pick it up to find out that my mom has called a crisis line to say that she was in crisis cause I had made allegations. Are you shitting me YOU ARE IN CRISIS? What are you in crisis for nothing happened to you? After talking and agreeing to meet the next day to talk I hang up and decide to go get in the shower. I hated talking showers, so much happened in the shower. I take a deep breath and face my fear and lock the door hoping it’s going to stay locked. I hurry and shower and luckily the door stays locked. I get ready for work and go back and sit in my room. I sit on my floor and the tear start pouring down. "What have I done by telling my mom?" "What is this going to mean for me?" "Will he leave so we can go on living our lives (little did I know this would never happen and what "our lives" was would never be the same)?" At this point I wasn't really sure what was going on or what would happen.

It was finally time to go to work! I had never been so happy about that. As we were driving my grandma called my mom and asked if she could talk to me (as you will learn later my grandma was more like a mom figure to me, just had a lot of health problems). My mom agreed to let her talk to me as long as she didn't say anything to me about what was going on and made it quick.

K: Hello (as I choke back the tears)

G: Hello baby girl, I just want to tell you that I love you and I wish that you had told me.

K: I know, and I love you too (not able to hold back the tears)

G: Ok I will talk to you soon

I give the phone back to my mom and tell myself I have to get it together before I get to work. As we pull into my work my mom tells me yet again to not saying anything to anyone about what is going on. Are you kidding me, like I want to talk to anyone about this? The one person who I thought I was supposed to talk about it with didn't even believe me. I go in and start working. Luckily it was a Saturday so it was busy and I was able to try not to think about home life.

After about an hour of work I got a phone call from the therapist that my mom had called in crisis. She informed me that because I was a minor that I would not be going home until we got this all figured out. After talking for a little bit we had decided that she would come pick me up after my shift ended at 930 and that she would call my mom and let her know that I would not be coming home. I go into the bathroom because I am having such a hard time keeping it together. At this point my chest is tight and I feel like I am riding on the teacup rides. I hurry and splash some water on my face to keep from crying and get back to work. About an hour later I get a phone call from my mom. Little did I know this would be the last time that I would ever talk to her.

K: Hello

M: I just heard you weren't coming home

K: ya

M: You better think about what you are doing before you ruin his life (and hangs up)

RUIN HIS LIFE, are you kidding what about how he has ruined my life? What about all the times he made me have sex with him, I guarantee that he never once thought about how he was ruining my life.

I went back to work not sure what was going to come after I got off, or even what this person was going to look like that was picking me up. That night I was working with one of my close friends and I couldn't be happier about that. As the time got closer to 9:30 I started to get very overwhelmed. How was I going to know who this person was? Where were we going to go? When would I get to go home? Tears started to come down my cheeks. My friend came over and asked if I was ok? At this point I couldn't keep it in any long. NO I wasn't ok. I just started bawling and start to tell her what had been going on. After telling her we are both bawling and she gives me a hug and tells me everything was going to be ok.

Its finally 930 and in walks a lady and asks if I am Kendra. I clock out and we leave. As I sit in her car trying not to cry, throw up and trying to calm myself down, I have no clue what even to say to her.  Little did I know she was going to have a huge impact in my life and be by my side for everything and be a huge mentor. We drive to the police station because the Children's Justice Center is above it. We walk in and I felt like my heart could have pounded out of my chest. We sit at a long table with lots of chairs around it. Another women comes and sits down with us and starts asking questions about what is my full name, address and birthday. I answer them not sure why she is asking them but just do what I am told. After we get done we are taken into a room to do an interview. The room has two couches in it with these cat pillows (they were kind of creepy). The therapist and I sit on one couch and two men sit across from us on the other. I start to get very uncomfortable. I hate having to talk to men. We start the interview with them asking me to please telling them why I am there.

K: Because my step dad sexually abused me

Men: Can you tell us what that meant?

K: That he made me have sex with him

Men: Can you tell us exactly what he made you do, or did to you

What do I say? This has been my secret for over 10 years. I start to tell them what has happen by giving the least amount of information as possible. Soon I am asked to please be more descriptive. With every word I speck all I can do is look at this stupid cat pillow I have on my lap and run my finger around the eye buttons. I can't make eye contact with these men. As I tell them what had happen it got harder and harder. Every time I would use a slang word suck as dick they would ask me to use the correct wording. I hated saying any of these words no matter if it was slang or correct why do I have to say it again. This interview seemed to never end. We took a break at some point because I was so worked up and need the therapist to calm me down. Finally around 1 am we finished the interview and where taken back to the room with the long table. Now the question that everyone asked each other was "What do we do with her, we can't send her back?"